This is not a Smart Car, this is a Smug Car.
(BTW, what exactly is smart about paying 15-grand for a car that doesn't even come with a fluffy sweater to rub it against for power.)
- Would someone please remind old Vietnamese women that horking up lungers on the sidewalk is still a no-no. Ditto to the artisans of Single Nostril Road-Surfacing - usually old European men and 17 year-old pro-choice advertisements.
- How to tell if you are a loser (pick any two): long hair? motorcycle-injury limp? often seen cycling case of Old Milwaukee tall-boys around Mimico on 10-speed handlebars? Bingo.
- 21st century update: thanks for the help, but I'm now fairly confident on what I'm supposed to do after the beep.
- Why did Stormtroopers wear body-armour on the Death Star? That's a little paranoid, non?
- No, I don't want to see your video iPod. That show sucked on HD.
- I'm not a big fan of "missing scenes", but I think the Bible skipped something important about Eve and Cain.
And now, your Chill Magazine sneak-peek...
10 perfectly valid reasons to stop seeing a girl:
- For her, "cracking a cold one" involves a refrigerated hard-boiled egg.
- Always sneezes in twelves.
- Last name is Gracie... and she has brothers.
- You notice she has The View on DVD box-set.
- Likes to push around an empty stroller for "no particular reason".
- Opens beer bottles with her teeth and has yet to spit a cap out.
- Has "book club" every Friday and Saturday at 11PM.
- Often bursts into tears while waiting for traffic lights.
- Answers her phone with a voice-scrambler.
- Considers Alien vs. Predator a "chick-flick".
And, in the interests of equality...
10 perfectly valid reasons to stop seeing a guy:
- He likes long walks on the beach... backwards.
- Considers Carrot Top a little "cerebral".
- Is strongly urging you to accept the theme to Family Guy as "our song".
- Constantly reminds you that he's never been convicted of anything.
- Last name is Baldwin. And he has brothers.
- Dinner and a movie is always 'Silence of the Lambs', and something he's going to prepare "later".
- Has your parents on speed-dial.
- Feels intimidated by Smart Cars.
- Starts every single sentence with "Anyhoo".
- Asks for "the usual" at KFC.