Jul 22, 2008

Impractical Jokes


I'm not into cerebral today, so you'll have to just go with it.
  1. Stick it to the homeless by putting foreign coins in the return slot of parking meters and phones.
  2. In a bad part of town, Krazy Glue a crack rock to a cop's gun. Yowza!
  3. Go to a fire house and squirt lighter fluid onto one of their trucks. When a fireman approaches, light it up and say, "How ironic, non?"
  4. Go to the Polish consulate and run around it several times with a lightbulb and... wait, I told it wrong.
  5. When you order pizza and they tell you "45 minutes or it's free", opt for free. 
  6. Go to the moon and erect a large monolith. Rig it up so that when an astronaut touches it, it farts.

P.S. Why is it even possible to make toast so dark.

Jul 9, 2008

Same Bat-channel, New Bat-address...



In case you were curious, I have changed venues for my job with Citytv. (It's not what you see above.)

FYFAQ

Where are you now?
Bathurst and Fleet St. – close to the Island Airport. You can call it the Omni building, if that helps you sleep at night.

I thought Citytv was going to be by the Eaton Centre.
Citytv’s main HQ is going to be at the current Olympic Spirit building at Dundas Square sometime in the future. This location is strictly for closers.

So, like... what do you do again?
Promos, baby. That’s a television commercial that implores you to watch something you don’t want to watch; especially when it’s on at a “special time”.

Where is Moses in all of this?
Couldn’t care less. Try Classical 96.

So you work for CTV?
Nope. Rogers.
CTV is the enemy. Rogers is for people who love to hear complaints about the price of iPhones - something that nobody should want to buy in the first place.

So you’re with CTV?
No.

Then who’s in the “Citytv Building” now?
Wall-to-wall CTV. They now own MuchMusic, Space and all the other doodads created by CHUM many years ago.

What’s CHUM?
Bloody fish guts that attract sharks and hostile takeovers.

When my food’s ready, why doesn’t my microwave stop beeping the moment I open the door? It must know that I have been sufficiently alerted. Also, why is there a button for chicken and meat?
Microwaves are astoundingly stupid.

So what’s it like working at CTV?
It rocks!