In honour of the first sorta-snowfall today, I thought I'd fire out a sneak-peek at December's two Chill magazine lists.
Top excuses not to shovel your driveway
- Sparks created by scraping metal may contribute to global warming.
- If I sprinkle bones and arrowheads on the snow, archaeologists may dig it up for me.
- Maintaining a thick, crusty layer of ice is the best way to flaunt four-wheel-drive capability of my car.
- Infinitesimal possibility that surface ice will form a convex lens that will melt the snow beneath it.
- You call it an unshovelled driveway. I call it nature unspoiled, man.
- Snow is insulating, and the removal of insulation should only be done by professionals.
- Shoveling my own driveway takes jobs away from ordinary Canadians.
- By instead leaving a snow-angel, I increase the chances that real angels will arrive and contribute to my nativity scene.
Top reasons to give for returning gifts
- Needed more money to immunize children in Africa.
- I actually wear an extra-Medium.
- Isn't there enough clutter in the world?
- By getting some cash back now, I have more money to spend on your gift.
- Turns out, I'm allergic to cheap leather.
- Returning? No, I just have trouble meeting people.
- I already have Blue Planet. I needed Jackass 3 to complete the set.