Oct 21, 2008

Christmas Lists - The Chill Edition

In honour of the first sorta-snowfall today, I thought I'd fire out a sneak-peek at December's two Chill magazine lists.

Top excuses not to shovel your driveway

  1. Sparks created by scraping metal may contribute to global warming.
  2. If I sprinkle bones and arrowheads on the snow, archaeologists may dig it up for me.
  3. Maintaining a thick, crusty layer of ice is the best way to flaunt four-wheel-drive capability of my car.
  4. Infinitesimal possibility that surface ice will form a convex lens that will melt the snow beneath it.
  5. You call it an unshovelled driveway. I call it nature unspoiled, man.
  6. Snow is insulating, and the removal of insulation should only be done by professionals.
  7. Shoveling my own driveway takes jobs away from ordinary Canadians.
  8. By instead leaving a snow-angel, I increase the chances that real angels will arrive and contribute to my nativity scene.

Top reasons to give for returning gifts
  1. Needed more money to immunize children in Africa.
  2. I actually wear an extra-Medium.
  3. Isn't there enough clutter in the world?
  4. By getting some cash back now, I have more money to spend on your gift.
  5. Turns out, I'm allergic to cheap leather.
  6. Returning? No, I just have trouble meeting people.
  7. I already have Blue Planet. I needed Jackass 3 to complete the set.

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