Feb 21, 2008

Chai Tea and Tai Chi... together at last.

People have been One person asked me why there have been no posts recently. The reason is that nothing's terribly wrong in the universe. Then it occurred to me, wait... surely there's something that's deserving of some vanity faux-wrath.

So I went to iStockphoto.com, as I do every morning.

Bingo. I've got a new post.

Since my attempt to strike the words "diva" and "crooner" from the newspapers fell on deaf ears, I have a come up with a new, completely futile demand.

For the love of all that is good in this world, can we please call a moratorium on images of white women doing Tai Chi? Everywhere you look - going on 10 years as of yesterday morning - there is an enlightened white woman, usually middle-aged, blissfully engaged in something that looks like either mime for stoners, or a traffic cop in a vat of corn syrup.

For your standard mutual fund company, this pablum image shows the world that they are at once: environmentally aware, equality-based, health-conscious and multicultural (so long as that culture is not the one you grew up with). It also shows that they haven't bothered coming up with a new idea since King of the Hill was quotable. Itellyouwhut... no one diddlydang cares no more.

Consider "chai tea", the coffee-house equivalent of Duran Duran (or Diner Kraft Dinner). Is it right to enjoy something from another culture, if that culture is now laughing at us for the way we enjoy it? A culture, by the way, who's most recent contribution to the world is the disposable car. Hey, bump it up a notch, and make it a Chai Latte. Now you have something that is as authentically Indian as a Maharajah Mac. The Japanese, for their part, have evolved from Tai Chi to Human Tetris.

I say, "no more!" Embrace your inner White Guy. Tai Chi sucks. Chai Tea sucks. And more importantly, they make us look and sound like idiots... which is to say, bigger, whiter idiots.