Apr 2, 2008

Jetsam

This is not a Smart Car,  this is a Smug Car.

(BTW, what exactly is smart about paying 15-grand for a car that doesn't even come with a fluffy sweater to rub it against for power.)


  • Would someone please remind old Vietnamese women that horking up lungers on the sidewalk is still a no-no. Ditto to the artisans of Single Nostril Road-Surfacing - usually old European men and 17 year-old pro-choice advertisements.
  • How to tell if you are a loser (pick any two): long hair? motorcycle-injury limp? often seen cycling case of Old Milwaukee tall-boys around Mimico on 10-speed handlebars? Bingo.
  • 21st century update: thanks for the help, but I'm now fairly confident on what I'm supposed to do after the beep.
  • Why did Stormtroopers wear body-armour on the Death Star? That's a little paranoid, non?
  • No, I don't want to see your video iPod. That show sucked on HD.
  • I'm not a big fan of "missing scenes", but I think the Bible skipped something important about Eve and Cain.

And now, your Chill Magazine sneak-peek...

10 perfectly valid reasons to stop seeing a girl:
  1. For her, "cracking a cold one" involves a refrigerated hard-boiled egg.
  2. Always sneezes in twelves.
  3. Last name is Gracie... and she has brothers.
  4. You notice she has The View on DVD box-set.
  5. Likes to push around an empty stroller for "no particular reason".
  6. Opens beer bottles with her teeth and has yet to spit a cap out.
  7. Has "book club" every Friday and Saturday at 11PM.
  8. Often bursts into tears while waiting for traffic lights.
  9. Answers her phone with a voice-scrambler.
  10. Considers Alien vs. Predator a "chick-flick".
And, in the interests of equality...

10 perfectly valid reasons to stop seeing a guy:
  1. He likes long walks on the beach... backwards.
  2. Considers Carrot Top a little "cerebral".
  3. Is strongly urging you to accept the theme to Family Guy as "our song".
  4. Constantly reminds you that he's never been convicted of anything.
  5. Last name is Baldwin. And he has brothers.
  6. Dinner and a movie is always 'Silence of the Lambs', and something he's going to prepare "later".
  7. Has your parents on speed-dial.
  8. Feels intimidated by Smart Cars.
  9. Starts every single sentence with "Anyhoo".
  10. Asks for "the usual" at KFC.