Apr 18, 2008

Math takes a Holiday.

Okay, I let this go in 2007, but they just revived the campaign. Gloves are off.

Now, I failed engineering and all - mostly due to Molson Export math - but how can "accountants" be a sub-set of "certified management accountants." (Presumably "certified management accountants" are a sub-set of "certified middle-management accountants who are vegans during Daylight Saving Time"?)

Aren't - oh, I don't know - ACCOUNTANTS supposed to be aware of set theory?

Brave lyricist shuns rhyming of "school" with "Golden Rule".

-Haileybury, ON

In a rare and shocking display of independent thought, local lyricist Lee "Lee" Goldwater has reluctantly decided against rhyming the words "school" and "Golden Rule" in an autobiographical rock song which hearkens back to his days in grade 12.

"I really wrestled with this," sighed Goldwater. "No one wants to throw away such a killer rhyme; especially when the verse of the song concerns my - admittedly unsuccessful - attempts to be "cool".

Goldwater said his previous songwriting attempt took only 14 minutes and managed to rhyme the words "sadness", "badness", "gladness" and "madness". The song - which has since been destroyed - was a turning-point in Goldwater's life.

"It just just sucked so much wang," said Goldwater, "that I had to toss it. I mean Page and Plant did this all the time, but hey... they're Zeppelin, right."

The songwriter has been unable to complete the song ("Teacher's Wet") and was at one point compelled by self-discipline to settle for rhyming "pedagogue" with "sweathog".

"Fuck yeah, it's got a ways to go, but I'm not doing this for the man," said Goldwater, tapping his forehead. "It's about what's real up here, you know?"

UPDATE: Although I plucked this photo randomly off the "web", it occurs to me that this guy is suspiciously similar to what would happen if you smashed Tom Olsen and Pete Crockford in a large hadron collider.