May 20, 2008

Things that make me rap my head on the closest solid surface.

  1. Clicking on a link that - after an excruciatingly long wait - opens a big fat PDF in Acrobat. I keeel you!
  2. "Please leave your message at the sound of the tone." The sound of the tone? Why stop there, Capt. Redundant? "If you don't mind, and the spirit moves you, please feel free to speak a spoken audio speech upon registering the analogue rendition of the digital sound of the re-creation of the tone which you'll hear."
  3. As much as I like them, there is something very Nanny State about pedestrian countdown timers. First there was the red light, then there was the yellow light warning us that the red light was coming. Now we have a warning that the warning is coming. Hey, Elmer. Is it too much to ask for a reminder that the countdown is imminent?
  4. Post commercial-break "updates" that bring you up to speed on things that happened two minutes ago! Has our collective ADHD really come to this? And what's up with pedestrian countdown timers?
  5. Supermodels who have an opinion on anything other than which cigarettes curb your appetite the hardest. Also... can you really be considered a Top Model if five seconds after the finale you're more ignored than tea at Burger King?
  6. Fine print in car ads. Yeah, we get it. We're being screwed like plywood before a hurricane.
  7. Why show a "professional driver on a closed course" if no one's allowed to drive like that, ever? Can recruiting ads show coke-snorting Marines at an Amsterdam whorehouse? Cause I'm guessing they'd meet their quotas.
  8. Dog tricks. Unless you can get your dog to play undead, just keep him in the backyard, Skippy.
  9. Birth announcement quantities. 8lbs. 3oz., 7:18 AM, 54 cm, 5200 mL, 98.6 degrees F, 52.9 mili-Coulombs of electrostatic charge... Newsflash... guys want to know one thing: Is it mine?
  10. Unplanned pregnancies.