May 5, 2009

Getting raked over the briquettes.

Nothing photographic today. Just another in a long line of cautionary tales...

My Thermos barbecue sucks. It has a hot spot that isn't much good for anything other than incinerating one burger while gently thawing 27 buns that are huddled around it.

  1. Buy a new grill.
  2. Go vegetarian.
  3. Fix the burner.
Let's review those options:
  1. I would happily buy a new one, but my wife - who understands the concept of "money"-  vetos this.
  2. Even if I go vegetarian, I will most definitely need to slather my vegetables with Diana sauce and grill them into the Cenozoic.
  3. Okay. So long as everyone is comfortable with me banging on the part of the grill that the fire shoots out of.
After some pretty exhaustive Googling, it turns out the only real option is to order the part from the States. It's either that, or drive to Concord for a similarly-priced part. Sorry, scratch that. Concord doesn't have the part. They suggest contacting Thermos. Yes. Why didn't I think of that*.

*Thermos is derived from the Greek word meaning: to bottle up your emotions, whether they are frigid or incendiary.

Long story longer, I go with The BBQ Depot, aka Liberty Gas, in the USA.

The burner's only $32 (free shipping!), so that's certainly better than a new grill. Then they e-mail me. Oh, you're in Canada? Yeah, that's $16 for shipping. Yes, we know our site says 'free shipping' and the computer processed your order and debited your Paypal account - knowing full well that you lived in a socialist country - but take it or leave it, terrorist-harbourer.

So now I'm out $48... American. This is starting to suck.

But at least the part arrives quickly; and it ought to, since it must have been shipped in a gold-plated limousine, driven by Darrell Waltrip. All I need to do is give the UPS (Unreasonably Priced Shipping) guy... 

...$35 in brokerage fees!

It's at this point that I start to wonder if UPS guys wear brown clothing to hide the dog shit that angry people throw at them from their front yards.

Final tally: $95

You want cheese on that?


D. Henderson said...

I went through a process two years ago, with respect to our Broil King. To give it an overhaul required:
1) Replacing burner; which was available in Canada, as it's a Canadian company
2) Replacing the "cooking surface" (don't call this the "grill" as this word is reserved in BBQ-land for the entire BBQ. Don't call your BBQ a BBQ while you're at it. This part was also totally available in Canada, and could be ordered through Home Hardware.
3) Replacing the grate that holds the "rocks" as it was totally rusty
4) Might as well replace the broken igniter while we're at it, and the rocks too.

Total charges to bring the BBQ back to live = 2/3 cost of a new BBQ.

We bought a new one, and when I put the old one to the curb one Sunday, it was picked up by a salvager in less than 20 minutes. I forced him to take the whole thing, not just the body.

JS said...

You're right on the BBQ/grill thing. I learned that lesson quickly.

I also have an image of you on your porch with a shotgun trained on the scavenger. "That's right, pal. All of it."