Say, Say, Say... I'm really enjoying this. The further you go back, the easier it is to be a know-it-all. And, man, if you seriously have no advice for a douchebag 16-year-old, you definitely need a new drug.
Top Ten things I would tell myself in 1984:
- Listening to Duran Duran? Fine. Wearing three Duran Duran pins on your multi-pocketed jacket? The opposite of fine.
- Don't throw that party. Scott Gardner shows up.
- We're all really happy that whole D&D thing got back-burnered. It takes 18 double-zero strength to get a date while that's going on.
- Would it kill you to wear a pair of jeans?
- If you don't know three consecutive answers on a fill-in-the-blanks test, always go with Norway, Sweden, and Denmark. Make it your signature.
- The Cult or The Cure? Choose wisely.
- For the love of God, one camouflage article of clothing at a time.
- Easy on the gay jokes, Diceman.
- Instead of bitching about the sheet music available for sax, ask Mr. Van Dyne to get you some John Coltrane or Lou Marini... Hey, university is three years away and you need every secret weapon you can get.
- You know how insecure you feel? Get over it. So is everyone.
P.S. Thank you for not smoking.